The Rearview Mirror

I can't believe a whole year has gone by since my first attempt with this blog.  I have never been one to share my thoughts freely.  I enjoy writing and thinking, but I have never liked the thought of other people actually reading what I write.  Most of the blogs I enjoy to read are short and sweet tutorials of someone else's great idea.  That is definitely not what this blog will be.  :)  As much as I would like to be that person... writing is how I organize my thoughts.  I can't go into a writing endeavor pre-organized, not by choice anyway.

There are many reasons why I quit writing last year.  I think the major one was that I got stressed out and it felt like everything I wrote was pretty negative.  It was good for me to write and have an outlet for the stress, but who would want to read that?  Certainly not me.  delete.  

There were a few major things going on this time last year, I wonder if I can recap my whole year in the rearview mirror?

We were pregnant, but had a miscarriage very early on.  I will breeze by this because it is so personal.  For us, this was our second miscarriage, we have already been blessed with an amazing little boy and certainly have considered adoption in the future.  There is a pang in my heart for the little person who might have been, but I believe everything happens for a reason.

I quit my job and we sold our brand new truck to make the financial difference easier, we did this on faith that everything would work out.  A few weeks later Kyle's Grandma blessed us with her minivan. I was 100% ready to stay home without a car, give Kyle rides to work, whatever we needed to do... this gift really changed our whole year as little man and I had complete freedom again.

I started working out.  (This is what I did for me this year.)  After the miscarriage, I took it as a blessing to challenge myself to get in shape.  We had the minivan, so little man and I started going to the gym 3-4 times a week.  I had no plan, no goals, no idea what I even wanted to look like... I just wanted to be active and feel like my old self.  I met with a trainer and started weight training.  I remember thinking, eh... weights... thats a guy thing.  Then once I started lifting weights I started gaining muscle, losing weight, burning fat, feeling better... in the first 6 weeks I could do a pull-up!  I was able to run better.  I was able to control my mood better.  I became more conscious of what we were eating.  Working out has completely changed my life.  I feel like I am in control of who I want to be.  During the summer I even tried on the little black dress from our honeymoon and it fit!!

To tell the truth, what motivated me to start writing again is my interest in learning more about fitness and also a way to track my own progress.  I really don't want to set out with a plan though.  We still want to get pregnant in the next few months.  I am still trying to figure out how to be a good mom, wife, and homemaker.  And, although I hate to admit it, we will still struggle with the challenges of being a military family.  I strive for what most women strive for: balance.  I have many thoughts to share and while I may not actively seek out people to read them, I think future me will appreciate me doing this.  So here it is, again, writing with no direction.  :)